My Life is Not My Own
November 15, 2006 lafemmeafrique12
Today it is real. That my life is not my own. Half the time I am consumed by work, by putting many assignments and things that school hands me ahead of my personal needs for sleep and solitude, I have handed my mind and body over to academia.
And to be true, for a couple of weeks, I ate the same meal straight for lunch and a different meal straight for supper. I did not notice until this last weekend, where the cooking of a meal for friends broke the feeding cycle and began to feel like eating different foods. I digress. I carried myself from class to class and from hall to supermarket carrying the weight of books, tests, due dates, graphs, equations and a calculator.
The way I have been going nonstop, no wonder I am feeling run down. There must be a better way to stave of body shutdown. Thank God for kickboxerobics…with the vibrant teacher who, twice a week makes this mainly immobile form come to life.
Once though today, I wanted to cry. I really thought that the way I was feeling today would never end. Until I ran into my friend N, and we were talking about school and tests and being sleepy and tired and (yawn!) oh so sleepy. She asked me how the birthday was and I went back a couple of weekends ago when I was feted by friends near and far and happy birthdayed into a new decade…Yes! the reason why my life is no longer my own is because for the period that has drawn to a close, it belongs to someone else.
That someone is a Someone whose appraisal of my grades depends on the effort that I put into them, the way I conduct my days and the lovely way that I view life. The someone does not care how inane the task is, that someone is willing to forgive my myopic focus and cut through to my heart. That someone is my mother, my best friends, my awesome supervisor, whose advice and support are immense, is my online pals who are there for me even though they are sometimes so far. That someone is my phone buddy who calls me to pray for stuff and to share blessings.
Who owns my life. As the roster of attendance will be called in that place called Home, I plan to be there in full force to thank Him for my gran, #1 man, sis, teacher from 2H, pal from India, sister headed to Senegal and DJ Sofa, my favorite DJ friend.
So really. Today I refuse to be owned by changing weather, by charismatic agnosticism, false hope in academia, emotional blackmail by the TV about what to eat and how to look, my EN, my shoe size or any other factors. I choose life, because I do not have very long to hold on to life, which is not my own !
IArie sang “I am not my hair”. I sing that ‘I am not my 4 years here’ nor am I ‘unbelievably scared ‘ nor am I ‘tired of working’ ‘starved for love’(I have the extended family, mentors, teachers and friends to prove it) ‘terrified to leap out of the box and soar’. Why, cause, my life is no longer my own.
I know what it is to be in need and I know what it is to have plenty.I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength “ Philippians 4:12-13 NIV Copyright 1973,1978, 1984 by International Bible Society.
Entry Filed under: faith
